Breaking Free From Negative Patterns

Natasha Williams Author

Identify and release self-sabotaging patterns with trauma-informed tools to support healing, growth, and empowered decision-making.

Because you deserve to feel free, fulfilled, and in control of your own story.

We are creatures of habit. That’s not a flaw—it’s a feature of how the human brain works. Habits give us structure. They help us function without thinking through every tiny decision. They can even be healing when rooted in safety and routine.

But here’s the truth many of us come to learn—especially those of us who’ve experienced trauma, marginalisation, or prolonged stress:

Not all patterns serve us.

Some patterns keep us stuck.
Some keep us invisible.
Some protect us from pain, but also block us from power.

And many of these patterns aren’t conscious.
They were formed in response to survival, not as a result of intention.

So if you’ve ever looked at your life and thought, “Why do I keep ending up here?”—know this:
You're not broken.
You're not behind.
You're just being invited to heal at a deeper level.

In this guide, we’ll explore how to compassionately identify and begin releasing the patterns that no longer serve your growth, so you can move forward with clarity, choice, and power.

What Are Negative Patterns—Really?

Negative patterns are habits or behaviours that once served a purpose (like keeping you emotionally safe), but now lead to:

• Repeated conflict in relationships

• Avoidance of meaningful opportunities

• Self-sabotage in business or career

• Burnout from overgiving or overworking

• Deep-rooted shame or guilt for “not doing better”

Often, these patterns show up through our nervous system before our minds can catch up.

That’s why they can feel so automatic—and so hard to change.

But change is possible. And it starts with awareness.

1. Recognise What’s Not Working (Without Shame)

The first step to change isn’t to fix. It’s to see.

Start by gently asking yourself:

• What do I keep doing that leaves me drained, anxious, or unfulfilled?

• Where in my life do I feel stuck in a loop?

• When do I notice myself abandoning my needs, voice, or truth?

As you reflect, try not to shame or judge yourself. These patterns likely formed for a reason. They may have helped you cope with unsafe environments, chronic stress, or unmet emotional needs.

This step isn’t about blaming yourself. It’s about witnessing yourself—with compassion.

Try This:

Make a two-column journal entry. On one side, list the patterns or habits you’d like to release. On the other hand, note where you think they originated (a belief, an experience, a relationship).

This is where healing begins: through truth, not punishment.

2. Take Ownership Without Self-Blame

It’s tempting to blame others—our parents, our exes, our employers. And truthfully, there may be valid reasons to feel hurt, angry, or betrayed.

But here’s the thing:

Blame keeps you tethered to the story. Responsibility gives you the power to write a new one.

Taking ownership of your role in a pattern doesn’t mean it’s all your fault. It means you’re willing to take your healing into your own hands.

I remember when I finally had to say:

“I keep choosing relationships that silence me. And I no longer want to participate in that cycle.”

That shift was painful. But it was also freeing.
It gave me permission to act, not just react.

Reflect:

• What’s one pattern I’m ready to take responsibility for changing?

• What’s one step I can take this week that’s different from how I usually respond?

3. Feel, Don’t Just Fix: Learn to Process Emotions

Many negative patterns are fuelled by unprocessed emotions: shame, fear, anger, grief. When these emotions stay locked in the body, we find ways to avoid them—often through the very behaviours we’re trying to stop.

So, healing isn’t just about changing what you do. It’s about making space for what you feel.

This might look like:

• Crying when you feel sadness instead of eating or scrolling it away

• Naming your anger instead of stuffing it down

• Allowing joy, rest, or softness even when it feels unfamiliar

Remember: emotions are not enemies. They’re messengers. When we listen, we gain clarity.

Tip:

Keep a daily mood check-in. Ask:

• What am I feeling right now?

• What triggered this feeling?

• What do I need to support myself right now?

This practice alone can disrupt the unconscious loop that leads to sabotage or withdrawal.

4. Extract the Lesson—Then Leave the Loop

Every pattern—no matter how painful—has wisdom underneath.

Ask yourself:

• What was this habit trying to protect me from?

• What was I hoping to gain?

• What part of me still needs reassurance, validation, or love?

Once you find the deeper message, you can meet that need in a new way—one that honours your present self, not your past pain.

For example:

• Instead of overworking to prove your worth, you can affirm your value daily.

• Instead of saying yes to avoid conflict, you can practice setting gentle boundaries.

This is how you reclaim power: by responding, not repeating.

5. Choose a New-Path, Even If It’s Unfamiliar

You don’t break a negative pattern by willing it away. You replace it with something better.

• If silence was your survival, your healing will require speaking.

• If control was your safety, your healing will require surrender.

• If avoidance was your protector, your healing will require presence.

This step requires courage. Because even if your old pattern was painful, it was familiar. And the unfamiliar, even when it's healthy, can initially feel intimidating.

So go slowly.

Take small, intentional steps toward new choices. Track your wins. Celebrate your growth.

And surround yourself with others who are doing the same work.

I Know This Journey Firsthand

I’ve had to break many patterns:

• The pattern of staying quiet to keep the peace

• The pattern of overworking to feel worthy

• The pattern of shrinking so others could feel comfortable

I didn’t unlearn these overnight. It took inner work, community, and a deep commitment to becoming the woman I knew I was meant to be.

This is why I created the Heal to Achieve Community—to walk this journey with you.

You don’t have to do it alone.

You’re Not the Pattern, You’re the Person Healing It

Patterns are learned. That means they can be unlearned.

The version of you who made those choices wasn’t wrong. She was surviving. She did what she had to do. And now, she’s handing the baton to the version of you who is ready to lead with intention, not instinct.

The fact that you're reading this tells me you're ready.

You’re ready to live beyond coping.
You’re ready to disrupt the generational cycles.
You’re ready to stop reacting—and start reclaiming.

Reflection

Which pattern are you ready to release—and what do you want to choose instead?

 Come Break the Pattern With Us

Inside the Heal to Achieve Community, we don’t just talk about change.
We live it. Together.

Join us for:

• Weekly check-ins and reflection prompts

• Trauma-informed guidance and coaching

• A community of women doing the same deep work

• Real talk, real healing, real sisterhood

You don’t have to keep living the same story.
You can choose something new.
And you don’t have to do it alone.

Join the free community today—because the next chapter of your life deserves to be written by the healed version of you.

Join the Community Now →